Summer vacation is not much fun for parents of young children, and they are currently sweating with anxiety thinking about how they will manage to fulfill all their professional obligations and at the same time entertain the most needy human beings in their lives. But if the last few years have taught us anything, it's that things can always get worse. That's why I'm not happy to inform you that a Blippi movie will be released this summer.
Maybe you know Blippi. If you have kids aged 10 or younger, there's a good chance you've endured long periods of joyless time watching Blippi on YouTube. For the uninitiated, Blippi is a kind of high-frequency idiot who dresses like a clown and spends his days feigning fun while visiting America's zoos, regional museums, and children's play malls. His videos receive millions of views, there are Blippi NFTs on the market and his creator is known for having once made a pre-fame video in which he stripped naked and threw explosive diarrhea on his friend's naked butt. of the. And now there's a Blippi movie.
Stars: Clayton Grimm, Cashae Monya, Jett Automo
At least in the United States, Blippi's Big Dinosaur Adventure will be released in theaters next month. USA Today has an exclusive sneak peek and guess what? It's unlike any other Blippi video ever made. Blippi speaks directly to the camera in the kind of voice that unloving adults usually reserve for their older relatives, explaining that there is some kind of dinosaur egg emergency that needs to be dealt with. How does he fix it? Judging by the trailer, going down a kid's slide into a ball pit and then dancing like he has worms. Classic blippi.
There are apparently dinosaurs in the film, although they seem to exist entirely off camera. And that's because, unless this is the rare kind of trailer that saves all the visually interesting stuff for the paying audience, Blippi's Big Dino Adventure may qualify as one of the cheapest movies ever released in theaters .
That's a very different thing from simply being the cheapest, of course. A visionary director and a willing team can take a minuscule amount of money and turn it into Paranormal Activity or The Blair Witch Project or Eraserhead. But that doesn't happen often. Sometimes a low-budget film will struggle to demonstrate any production value. Channel 5 and, increasingly, Netflix are full of cheap, bad movies that look like they were created by an indifferent team.
Some, however, go the extra mile. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is known for its cost-cutting and inability to disguise it on screen. The once elegant vision of Christopher Reeves flying through the air came off as a bad Doctor Who effect, and Milton Keynes replaced Metropolis.
However, a cheap-looking film doesn't necessarily need a small budget. If you've seen any of the recent Marvel movies, you'll understand the speed at which a rushed post-production process can take something that cost hundreds of millions of dollars and make it look like a dog's dinner. Look, for example, at the latest slimy, weightless Ant-Man movie, in which Modok looks like the disturbing result of someone trying to resize some clip art without holding down the Shift key. It is awful.
Most importantly, though, none of these movies look like a movie projectionist pressed the wrong button and accidentally started streaming YouTube on the screen. Blippi's Big Dino Adventure, on the other hand, looks exactly like this. It seems almost inconceivably bad. My advice to parents is to do everything in your power to hide the existence of this movie from your children. Or, failing that, simply sneak alcohol into the cinema.
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