The Curse of the Necklace (now available on Tubi) will inevitably have the same "is that Henry Thomas?" moment I had. And then they'll pause (or wait for a Tubi ad break) to confirm online that yes, indeed, this is the guy we'll love forever thanks to E.T., and who's already 53 years old, and you'll wish he were in something better than Tubi's original horror fests with ridiculous Reader's Weekly titles. I mean, best keep your expectations to a minimum if curiosity drives you to hit play in this generic age.
We open with a scene where a woman is tied to a bed, giving birth. Blood covers the sheets. She screams at about 800 dB. The baby finally emerges, and the woman's captors are briefly concerned because the child doesn't seem to be breathing. Finally, the child cries. Most importantly, the camera makes sure we see the ruby-red amulet the mother wears around her neck. Cut to 30 years later, as a version of "My Girl" plays on the soundtrack at about 780 dB.
Director; Juan Pablo Arias Munoz
Writer: John Ducey
Stars: Violet McGraw, Madeleine McGraw, Henry Thomas
Why the hell is everything so loud in this movie? Two sisters join in the commotion: the school bus is due to arrive any moment, and Ellen (Violet McGraw) can't find her pencil case, which she finds in her older sister Judith's (Madeleine McGraw, Violet's real-life sister) room. They fight, argue, and yell that they hate each other. Their mother, Laura (Sarah Lind), finally manages to calm them down, ushers them out the door, and then there's silence. Thanks, Laura. By the way, it's 1960-something, in case that matters (which it doesn't).
Then we meet Frank (Henry Thomas), a local cop. He's stumbling around the evidence room when he knocks over a box from an unsolved case from, yes, 30 years ago. Inside is, yes, the amulet. Before moving on to the film, we should ask ourselves: who is Frank? Well, he's the estranged father of the aforementioned sisters. Not that he wants to be estranged. His marriage to Laura is frivolous, and she kicked him out. He now lives in a motel. Ellen misses her father terribly. Judith, as a teenager, is simply sullen and hostile to anyone around. What happened? Something vague about Frank being drunk and not wanting Laura to work when she wanted. So Laura got rid of Frank and got a job. Good for Laura.
Frank doesn't seem like a bad guy; he just wants to see his children. He drops by one night, and Laura reluctantly lets him have dinner with them. Ellen is delighted that her father gives her fresh éclairs, but Judith won't let him buy her affection. He hopes to win Laura back with a gift: what could it be? A new toaster? Lingerie? A kitten? No! Of course not! It's the Cursed Necklace! She kicks him out, calls the jewel "costume jewelry," and throws it in the trash.
Ellen digs it up, and then suddenly she has an "imaginary friend," a little boy we see in the corners of the frame—and am I mistaken, or does he have a zombie-like pallor? His name is Jonah, and he keeps scaring the parakeets. Before you know it, Judith sees the boy too ("He's so gross," she says hilariously), and then she's attacked by a woman of similar build, who pins her down and vomits blood in her face. It would be terrible if no one believed these girls when they said something was seriously wrong around here, right? But I bet they'd eventually believe it if you stayed long enough, which is asking a lot.
Well, old Frank finds out the hard way that you can't use a little soap and water to wash the curse off a haunted jewel. In her defense, she didn't know it was cursed, but this is the karma of a sexist jerk who skimped on a gift for his soon-to-be ex-wife. Supposedly, after ghostly entities knocked over the bookshelf, gave Ellen an open fracture, and took up residence in Judith's soul, Laura promptly filed divorce papers, and maybe started paying more attention in church? Then again, Laura isn't particularly bright either; even after learning the necklace is cursed, she thinks putting it in the fridge next to the pork roast will temper its unholy Satanic powers. No spoilers: She was wrong! Damn it!
It's a good thing Laura didn't try to destroy it. Eventually, an old seer (a ridiculous and thankless role played by the Roman Mafia) tells her that breaking the necklace would only unleash evil on the world, and that they can't hide it forever, so their only hope is to contain and control it, or something. I don't know. I think the best option would have been to call Nancy Drew or Encyclopedia Brown to solve the Case of the Cursed Necklace, because the old seer's magic herbs and "YOUR EVIL IS NOT WELCOME HERE" declarations don't work very well.
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