There's something heartbreaking about the penultimate episode of The Last of Us's second season. It's normal when you relive memories that transport you to the wonderful things you once had. But this week's episode doesn't aim to exploit this obvious sentimentality. With arguably the most emotionally intense episode of the series, The Last of Us simply seeks to explore an inevitable passage of grief.
I was worried something like this would happen when the last episode ended with a glimpse of happier times. We're back to the golden days. Days that are now unbearable memories. But if you had asked Ellie and Joel if they would have done it all over again, knowing the immeasurable pain that awaited them, they would have said yes without a second thought. Because even in the midst of grief, these memories are priceless. Joel's rough patch was very real. And that's not something you can justify with pretenses. But Joel Miller was the exception. Every time he did something wrong that changed his personality, he did it to protect someone he loved. First, it was Tommy.
Creators: Neil Druckmann, Craig Mazin
Stars: Bella Ramsey, Pedro Pascal, Gabriel Luna
Faced with an abusive police officer father, Joel had to do a lot of questionable things. But even when he wasn't doing them, he would take to the sword to protect his little brother. Their father justified the unimaginable pain he inflicted on his children by discounting the torture he himself had to endure at the hands of his own father. Joel and Tommy's father genuinely believed he was doing better than his own father because none of his children had had their jaws broken. If anything, that experience had driven Joel to be the best father he could be to Sarah, and later to Ellie. You have to be pretty special to go around collecting toys for Seth's grandchildren and, in return, bake a cake for Ellie's 15th birthday. Vanilla, mind you, not chocolate.
He's also restoring a guitar with the determination of an artist, recording one of the moths from Ellie's sketches and everything. Joel gets cute when a scared Tommy brings home a very drugged-up Ellie. No, she hasn't robbed anyone's stash yet. She's freaking out on the painkillers she got after burning her arm, a decision only Joel would understand. All she wants is to wear short sleeves, you know? And that damn bite mark on her arm makes that pretty hard. So Joel gets it, no matter how revolting he finds Ellie's description of how her burning flesh smelled. The fact that she gets a hug instead of a beating only makes Joel a better dad. But I bet a part of Joel heals every time he does better than his own dad. The good thing is Joel doesn't aim for the bare minimum for Ellie. So while the badly spelled handwriting on the cake wishes "Eli" a happy birthday, Joel more than makes up for it with a heartfelt rendition of "Future Days." The happiness on Ellie's face at this experience explains why she choked up singing it in an empty auditorium in Seattle. It was a very important moment for both of them. It was one of those moments where they both connected perfectly with each other's needs and moods.
Did you think it was a one-time thing? Joel is a better father than that. If he went to so much trouble to make Ellie's 15th birthday special, especially considering it's only been two months since they moved to the Jackson community, he can accomplish so much more for her 16th. Now that he's had time to prepare, Joel has put a lot of thought into the gift. So, during the long walk to the secret spot Joel takes her to, Ellie has no idea what awaits her. The saddest thing, however, is that Ellie assumes the surprise might be a bunch of kittens. The poor girl has never seen a cat before. It's a terrible world. But luckily, and oddly enough, Ellie was right with her other assumption. Joel has, in fact, found a huge T-rex for Ellie to jump around in. And that's not all. He's also found a museum full of wonders that will make Ellie's eyes sparkle. That should keep her from wandering into the world of forbidden teens for a while. He would have won Dad of the Century by oiling up the planet exhibit and making sure it worked. But he's gone ahead and given Ellie an upgrade. For a surprise that requires Ellie to break a glass window and put on an astronaut helmet away from people, Joel cleaned up Apollo 15. He may not be able to take his daughter on a trip to the stars on her 16th birthday, but when he gives her an old cassette of the Apollo 11 launch sequence, and Ellie drowns in the sound of the voice that lifts her off the ground, he comes pretty close.
At just 19, Ellie has already decided to ask Joel the questions that have been troubling her. She's terrified of what she'll discover. And a part of her knows what she'll discover. Perhaps that's keeping her from verbalizing the questions she's written on paper. She's always known about lists and their importance. Jesse didn't have to give her that advice when it came to asking her community for support. But even though she takes her time asking Joel about the massacre in Salt Lake City, the truth often comes out when you least expect it.
On their first patrol, Joel's birthday present, things take a turn for the worse. Joel chose a safe route so he'd get used to the dos and don'ts. He even wanted Ellie to turn around and go home when they received the distress call about a group of infected near them. But Ellie would never have left Joel. When she starts patrolling, she won't be able to flee at the first sign of danger. Fate leads them to Eugene. Already bitten, muttering, terrified. Eugene's death was always supposed to be something serious. And now that we see how it happened, we understand the horrible feelings everyone surrounding this tragedy is feeling. Eugene doesn't try to hide it. He just wants to see Gail and talk to her one last time.
Ellie isn't just driven by sentimentality when she urges Joel to give Eugene a chance to speak to his wife before he dies. Even though protocols are in place to protect people, and Joel isn't wrong to suggest he needs to shoot Eugene, Eugene seems well enough to make the trip before Cordyceps takes him. This is where Joel makes his second-worst mistake as a father. He has no intention of walking Eugene back to the gate to say goodbye. But he doesn't want Ellie to think he's being cruel. So he does what comes easily: he lies. What couldn't have come easily was pulling the trigger. When Eugene sees the beautiful scenery Joel has laid out for him, he knows what's in store for him. Joel may have always been surrounded by death, but he still lacked the empathy to understand the fear of someone facing it. Eugene didn't want to die alone. He needed Gail to say a few words of comfort and bid him farewell to the unknown world of death. How could Joel make that promise to Ellie and not even try? That question must have haunted Ellie ever since Jackson, dragging Eugene's corpse the same way she will one day drag Joel's. This is the first time Ellie has caught Joel in a lie. And that's all the answer she needed.
But let's face it. If it weren't for Ellie's safety, Joel probably would have taken a chance and brought Eugene home before he died. So, once again, life has made him the villain to the person for whom he makes all his decisions. They aren't always the best. So, as horrible as it is, in a way, he deserved to have his lies exposed in front of Gail. It must have been terrifying for Ellie to watch Joel lie like that to a grieving woman. That wasn't respectful to Eugene's memory. Joel had no right to alter a dying man's last words to his wife. What's always kept the ship from sinking is Joel's desperation to be a good father. He's been selfish as a dad. But he's also done things like let Ellie move into the garage so he'd have space without any issues. These instincts have kept Joel from being alone.
At the New Year's Eve party, Maria was kind to comfort Joel and tell him they were family. That didn't mean everything was fixed. Ellie was still mad at him. But that night, she took a chance on him. The conversation that takes place on Joel's porch at the end of Episode 6 is, actually, the best thing we could all wish for. It was closure for both of them. It must have been nice for Ellie when her dad encouraged her to follow Dina. He'd come a long way from mildly homophobic mutterings. But it must have been like a train ride when Joel did as she asked. He told her the truth about the Fireflies. He was as vulnerable as he could be in front of the little girl he'd give his life for. But that didn't ease the pain in Ellie's heart.
It's a bigger crisis than a father lying to his daughter. That's where the moths come in. When Joel asked Gail about the meaning of moths appearing in dreams, the therapist closed the pages of Earth Abides to tell her that the moths meant death. Ellie may not be suicidal, per se. But she's seen enough death around her to know that her life means no more than anyone else's. Really, it's more survivor's guilt than anything else. It must have been unbearable for Ellie to watch so many loved ones slip through her fingers while she survived.
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